When my husband told me he would have to spend ten days away in the states on business, I about fell down the stairs. I had more negative emotions running through me than the first time I saw a Miley Cyrus video.
I wanted, pleaded, almost begged to go with him. What would I do? Where would I go? Without a job or knowing many people, who would I spend my time with? After realizing the ticket would cost a fortune and I may have to snowshoe my way to my parents' from the airport in the worst weather Michigan had seen in years, we decided I'd sit this one out. It would give us the chance to pursue more European getaways instead, I told myself. And if I couldn't get by, I could see if the liquor store down the street offered a loyalty card. Atta girl.
Many of us ex-pat wives have husbands who are constantly working while we are not. I wasn't the first American girl in town left to her own devices and this would be the first of many times in the future that I'd have to fend for myself. I'd already gone through a phase of crying into a bags of M&Ms, crumpled tissues surrounding me. I decided it was time to continue this, 'Put your big girl panties on' movement I had started and start planning how I'd spend my time. And I survived, by the grace of empowering Beyonce songs and all that is right in the world.
Here is a list to help you get a grip and get out the door. Because putting real pants on in the morning is important, my friends.
1. There is no reason you can't be busy: Between charity shops to children's organizations to homeless shelters, there is a volunteer opportunity for you if you are looking. Does it take some time to get a position? Yes. Do you possibly have to interview? Of course. Is it fulfilling and worth it? Absolutely. Volunteering is one of the single best ways to meet people and feel like you're doing something useful with your time. After a few months of being home full-time, your house becomes the Twilight Zone - you gotta' get out. Charity shops are always looking for someone to help re-sell their gently used wares - so get searching!
2. Short on cash? You can do a lot for free: London is one of the most expensive cities in the world but it more than makes up for it with an ample array of attractions that won't cost a thing. You can go to the oldest museum in the world and marvel at the largest collection of Egyptian antiquities outside of Egypt at the British Museum, take a leisurely walk in one of the city's gorgeous parks (Regents Park and Hyde Park hold a special place in my heart), experience amazing collections of art (the Tate Modern, National Portrait Gallery, etc), take a seat and people watch in Trafalgar Square, walk through Borough Market and enjoy the free samples...the choices are endless.
3. Join a Meetup group: I never looked into Meetup.com before I moved to London, but at the urging of a family friend who saw me struggling to adjust, I created an account. Search for groups you'd like to be part of based on interest (ie Yoga, young professionals, west end shows, etc) and simply join the group. Is it intimidating to walk into your first meetup event knowing no one? Yes. But you're going to be alone if you don't go. The friends I have began to make I met through Meetup. I owe it, and a little bit of courage, to the fact that I am sane now.
4. Change your surroundings: If you're not interested in meeting new people, do make sure you gift yourself with a change of scenery. Take a book to your local coffee shop and read. Write your to-do lists for the week in a cafe. Just make sure to get out of your house. It'll do a world of good.
5. Plan your time: There will be a time where you are no longer so free to explore London. You may leave the city, end up having children or beginning a full-time job, so enjoy your free time now. Remember all those things you said you'd see and do in London when you knew you would move? Do some of those things. Go on a walk (www.walks.com) and learn about some of your favorite places. Buy tickets to the Tower of London and indulge your nerdy historical side. Hit the stores on Oxford Street. You're probably the envy of all your family and friends now that you've moved - take every opportunity you have here.
6. If all fails, take a class: So you want to learn how to make pasta? Check out Recipease by Jamie Oliver and book a course. Visit your local library and see what free classes they have. Google your nearest Zumba class. There are inexpensive, dynamic, challenging and fun classes of all kinds, near and far - before you write them off, do your research and discover your newest passion.
7. Make sure you've got your real life taken care of: Your partner being out of town or busy gives you a chance to take care of all the things you've left unfinished. Spend your free time filling out paperwork for your National Insurance number if you plan on working, registering with a good GP and dentist, becoming a member of your local library, track down an optician...we're always running behind. This is a great time to catch up.
8. Explore your OWN neighborhood: The best advice given to me was by a family friend who has moved more times than I can count. She told me that instead of exploring Central London, I should find out what's exciting, interesting and fun about the borough I live in. Spend some time getting acquainted with where you live.
9. Stop clinging to America: You've moved. It's time to learn about the country you live in. Catch a few British shows on TV, read up on holiday traditions or history, learn about the government or do your part as a contributing citizen and support your local pub (hey, everybody else is). You're living in London now - it's time to be a part of it.
10. Stick to a routine: Getting up late and spending the day in sweats on the sofa isn't going to help anybody. Make sure you establish a routine - it'll give you some purpose and a boost. Wake up, go for a run, get ready, have breakfast, read the paper...make sure you're not allowing yourself to spend hours on Netflix or on Facebook wishing you were home and reminiscing.
11. Cook!: Get online and learn things you probably didn't cook at home in the states. Bangers and mash. Yorkshire pudding. Sticky toffee pudding. Any freaking pudding. Hit your local shop and get going.
12. Stay positive: This journey, however long or short, will last a lifetime for you if you can't become positive. Fake it til you make it - there are some days where you have to put a smile on, even if it's raining for the 12th day in a row and you just can't hold it together.
Now go get 'em. And if all that fails, reach out: it's hard to move internationally. Talk to the people who give you support. Look for ex-pat groups online, on facebook or locally in your area. There are so many people who have been through what you're going through and they want to help, so don't be afraid to ask!
I wanted, pleaded, almost begged to go with him. What would I do? Where would I go? Without a job or knowing many people, who would I spend my time with? After realizing the ticket would cost a fortune and I may have to snowshoe my way to my parents' from the airport in the worst weather Michigan had seen in years, we decided I'd sit this one out. It would give us the chance to pursue more European getaways instead, I told myself. And if I couldn't get by, I could see if the liquor store down the street offered a loyalty card. Atta girl.
Many of us ex-pat wives have husbands who are constantly working while we are not. I wasn't the first American girl in town left to her own devices and this would be the first of many times in the future that I'd have to fend for myself. I'd already gone through a phase of crying into a bags of M&Ms, crumpled tissues surrounding me. I decided it was time to continue this, 'Put your big girl panties on' movement I had started and start planning how I'd spend my time. And I survived, by the grace of empowering Beyonce songs and all that is right in the world.
Here is a list to help you get a grip and get out the door. Because putting real pants on in the morning is important, my friends.
1. There is no reason you can't be busy: Between charity shops to children's organizations to homeless shelters, there is a volunteer opportunity for you if you are looking. Does it take some time to get a position? Yes. Do you possibly have to interview? Of course. Is it fulfilling and worth it? Absolutely. Volunteering is one of the single best ways to meet people and feel like you're doing something useful with your time. After a few months of being home full-time, your house becomes the Twilight Zone - you gotta' get out. Charity shops are always looking for someone to help re-sell their gently used wares - so get searching!
2. Short on cash? You can do a lot for free: London is one of the most expensive cities in the world but it more than makes up for it with an ample array of attractions that won't cost a thing. You can go to the oldest museum in the world and marvel at the largest collection of Egyptian antiquities outside of Egypt at the British Museum, take a leisurely walk in one of the city's gorgeous parks (Regents Park and Hyde Park hold a special place in my heart), experience amazing collections of art (the Tate Modern, National Portrait Gallery, etc), take a seat and people watch in Trafalgar Square, walk through Borough Market and enjoy the free samples...the choices are endless.
3. Join a Meetup group: I never looked into Meetup.com before I moved to London, but at the urging of a family friend who saw me struggling to adjust, I created an account. Search for groups you'd like to be part of based on interest (ie Yoga, young professionals, west end shows, etc) and simply join the group. Is it intimidating to walk into your first meetup event knowing no one? Yes. But you're going to be alone if you don't go. The friends I have began to make I met through Meetup. I owe it, and a little bit of courage, to the fact that I am sane now.
4. Change your surroundings: If you're not interested in meeting new people, do make sure you gift yourself with a change of scenery. Take a book to your local coffee shop and read. Write your to-do lists for the week in a cafe. Just make sure to get out of your house. It'll do a world of good.
5. Plan your time: There will be a time where you are no longer so free to explore London. You may leave the city, end up having children or beginning a full-time job, so enjoy your free time now. Remember all those things you said you'd see and do in London when you knew you would move? Do some of those things. Go on a walk (www.walks.com) and learn about some of your favorite places. Buy tickets to the Tower of London and indulge your nerdy historical side. Hit the stores on Oxford Street. You're probably the envy of all your family and friends now that you've moved - take every opportunity you have here.
6. If all fails, take a class: So you want to learn how to make pasta? Check out Recipease by Jamie Oliver and book a course. Visit your local library and see what free classes they have. Google your nearest Zumba class. There are inexpensive, dynamic, challenging and fun classes of all kinds, near and far - before you write them off, do your research and discover your newest passion.
7. Make sure you've got your real life taken care of: Your partner being out of town or busy gives you a chance to take care of all the things you've left unfinished. Spend your free time filling out paperwork for your National Insurance number if you plan on working, registering with a good GP and dentist, becoming a member of your local library, track down an optician...we're always running behind. This is a great time to catch up.
8. Explore your OWN neighborhood: The best advice given to me was by a family friend who has moved more times than I can count. She told me that instead of exploring Central London, I should find out what's exciting, interesting and fun about the borough I live in. Spend some time getting acquainted with where you live.
9. Stop clinging to America: You've moved. It's time to learn about the country you live in. Catch a few British shows on TV, read up on holiday traditions or history, learn about the government or do your part as a contributing citizen and support your local pub (hey, everybody else is). You're living in London now - it's time to be a part of it.
10. Stick to a routine: Getting up late and spending the day in sweats on the sofa isn't going to help anybody. Make sure you establish a routine - it'll give you some purpose and a boost. Wake up, go for a run, get ready, have breakfast, read the paper...make sure you're not allowing yourself to spend hours on Netflix or on Facebook wishing you were home and reminiscing.
11. Cook!: Get online and learn things you probably didn't cook at home in the states. Bangers and mash. Yorkshire pudding. Sticky toffee pudding. Any freaking pudding. Hit your local shop and get going.
12. Stay positive: This journey, however long or short, will last a lifetime for you if you can't become positive. Fake it til you make it - there are some days where you have to put a smile on, even if it's raining for the 12th day in a row and you just can't hold it together.
Now go get 'em. And if all that fails, reach out: it's hard to move internationally. Talk to the people who give you support. Look for ex-pat groups online, on facebook or locally in your area. There are so many people who have been through what you're going through and they want to help, so don't be afraid to ask!
I love this! It's hard to explain to others why having too much free time sucks AND to not sound like a stereotypical expat trophy wife, but I totally get it! What a great list- will check this all out!
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