Ex-pat life: The in-betweeners

When I moved to London, I proudly proclaimed to anyone within earshot how happy I was to be American and how much I missed home. America, after all, runs through my veins. When talking about Michigan, I sounded like one of those annoying 'Pure Michigan' commercials I couldn't stand, oozing poetic statements about my homeland. Everything about my Michigan roots clung to me and I was determined to be a proud American up until my last breath. When my husband's friends joked to me that I was now British, everything 'American' about me became amplified to the highest degree. I wasn't going to assimilate, I would never be British, and I was determined to constantly look back at the life I left behind with pride, telling myself repeatedly that England could never compete with my Metro-Detroit upbringing.

It has been seven months since I unpacked my bags and settled into the house I am beginning - albeit, with the occasional reservation - to call a home. I have embraced trading my beloved Honda Civic for the tube and find myself beaming with joy when I can direct myself home without help. Where once I spent my time mourning the loss of my home and my friends, I began exploring museums, toasting my new life with new friends, crossing things to do and places to see off my list. My husband and I have begun renovating our house, a project that has been moving slowly, but surely, for the past five months. The empty shell this house once was is now becoming a place I can identify with, my books now placed on its shelves, photos in frames and favorite foods in the fridge. I have, in my own way, begun to put my roots down in a country that I have, at times, struggled to grasp.

My life is all about succumbing to new experiences, for better or worse. The sun is shining in London and my life seems to finally be settling down, but when I go to bed at night, no matter how happy I've felt, I struggle with one truth: I will always, for the rest of my life, be in-between.

When I moved here, I was in constant contact with loved ones back in the states. Now, I find it challenging to be in touch, even to the point of feeling guilty about being too busy (or even happy), knowing the heartache my departure has caused. I have begun to make friends here and when I finally feel like things are improving, I find myself broken up about missing nights out and special occasions back home. Worse, I often feel bad about admitting to the friends I've had for decades that I am making new friends that I occasionally identify with better, as most of them are fellow ex-pats trying to navigate the difficult course of moving across an ocean. The more I study British holidays and traditions, the more I question if I will ever be happy without Thanksgiving dinner, green beer on St. Patrick's Day and eating paczi after paczi on Fat Tuesday. The more I begin to refer to this place as home, the more it feels like a half-truth as I remember the house I grew up in and lived in until my late twenties. I know, with a heavy heart, that when I go to see my family in Michigan, I will miss London. When I am in London, I will wish I were in Michigan.

These facts may be easier to adjust to, but will never wither away completely. I will always be in-between Michigan and London, never truly belonging to one place or the other, never knowing fully where my home is. My identity was once finite, now I wonder where I stand. I know no matter how much I adapt, the feeling that I will never really belong in either place will linger...and that is the burden, the cost, of being an ex-pat. All I can do is try to be happy on the thin red line that I'm standing on. 

London for One: Surviving having 'too much' free time

When my husband told me he would have to spend ten days away in the states on business, I about fell down the stairs. I had more negative emotions running through me than the first time I saw a Miley Cyrus video.

I wanted, pleaded, almost begged to go with him. What would I do? Where would I go? Without a job or knowing many people, who would I spend my time with? After realizing the ticket would cost a fortune and I may have to snowshoe my way to my parents' from the airport in the worst weather Michigan had seen in years, we decided I'd sit this one out. It would give us the chance to pursue more European getaways instead, I told myself. And if I couldn't get by, I could see if the liquor store down the street offered a loyalty card. Atta girl.

Many of us ex-pat wives have husbands who are constantly working while we are not. I wasn't the first American girl in town left to her own devices and this would be the first of many times in the future that I'd have to fend for myself. I'd already gone through a phase of crying into a bags of M&Ms, crumpled tissues surrounding me. I decided it was time to continue this, 'Put your big girl panties on' movement I had started and start planning how I'd spend my time. And I survived, by the grace of empowering Beyonce songs and all that is right in the world.

Here is a list to help you get a grip and get out the door. Because putting real pants on in the morning is important, my friends.

1. There is no reason you can't be busy: Between charity shops to children's organizations to homeless shelters, there is a volunteer opportunity for you if you are looking. Does it take some time to get a position? Yes. Do you possibly have to interview? Of course. Is it fulfilling and worth it? Absolutely. Volunteering is one of the single best ways to meet people and feel like you're doing something useful with your time. After a few months of being home full-time, your house becomes the Twilight Zone - you gotta' get out. Charity shops are always looking for someone to help re-sell their gently used wares - so get searching!

2. Short on cash? You can do a lot for free: London is one of the most expensive cities in the world but it more than makes up for it with an ample array of attractions that won't cost a thing. You can go to the oldest museum in the world and marvel at the largest collection of Egyptian antiquities outside of Egypt at the British Museum, take a leisurely walk in one of the city's gorgeous parks (Regents Park and Hyde Park hold a special place in my heart), experience amazing collections of art (the Tate Modern, National Portrait Gallery, etc), take a seat and people watch in Trafalgar Square, walk through Borough Market and enjoy the free samples...the choices are endless.

3. Join a Meetup group: I never looked into Meetup.com before I moved to London, but at the urging of a family friend who saw me struggling to adjust, I created an account. Search for groups you'd like to be part of based on interest (ie Yoga, young professionals, west end shows, etc) and simply join the group. Is it intimidating to walk into your first meetup event knowing no one? Yes. But you're going to be alone if you don't go. The friends I have began to make I met through Meetup. I owe it, and a little bit of courage, to the fact that I am sane now.

4. Change your surroundings: If you're not interested in meeting new people, do make sure you gift yourself with a change of scenery. Take a book to your local coffee shop and read. Write your to-do lists for the week in a cafe. Just make sure to get out of your house. It'll do a world of good.

5. Plan your time: There will be a time where you are no longer so free to explore London. You may leave the city, end up having children or beginning a full-time job, so enjoy your free time now. Remember all those things you said you'd see and do in London when you knew you would move? Do some of those things. Go on a walk (www.walks.com) and learn about some of your favorite places. Buy tickets to the Tower of London and indulge your nerdy historical side. Hit the stores on Oxford Street. You're probably the envy of all your family and friends now that you've moved - take every opportunity you have here.

6. If all fails, take a class: So you want to learn how to make pasta? Check out Recipease by Jamie Oliver and book a course. Visit your local library and see what free classes they have. Google your nearest Zumba class. There are inexpensive, dynamic, challenging and fun classes of all kinds, near and far - before you write them off, do your research and discover your newest passion.

7. Make sure you've got your real life taken care of: Your partner being out of town or busy gives you a chance to take care of all the things you've left unfinished. Spend your free time filling out paperwork for your National Insurance number if you plan on working, registering with a good GP and dentist, becoming a member of your local library, track down an optician...we're always running behind. This is a great time to catch up.

8. Explore your OWN neighborhood: The best advice given to me was by a family friend who has moved more times than I can count. She told me that instead of exploring Central London, I should find out what's exciting, interesting and fun about the borough I live in. Spend some time getting acquainted with where you live.

9. Stop clinging to America: You've moved. It's time to learn about the country you live in. Catch a few British shows on TV, read up on holiday traditions or history, learn about the government or do your part as a contributing citizen and support your local pub (hey, everybody else is). You're living in London now - it's time to be a part of it.

10. Stick to a routine: Getting up late and spending the day in sweats on the sofa isn't going to help anybody. Make sure you establish a routine - it'll give you some purpose and a boost. Wake up, go for a run, get ready, have breakfast, read the paper...make sure you're not allowing yourself to spend hours on Netflix or on Facebook wishing you were home and reminiscing.

11. Cook!: Get online and learn things you probably didn't cook at home in the states. Bangers and mash. Yorkshire pudding. Sticky toffee pudding. Any freaking pudding. Hit your local shop and get going.

12. Stay positive: This journey, however long or short, will last a lifetime for you if you can't become positive. Fake it til you make it - there are some days where you have to put a smile on, even if it's raining for the 12th day in a row and you just can't hold it together.

Now go get 'em. And if all that fails, reach out: it's hard to move internationally. Talk to the people who give you support. Look for ex-pat groups online, on facebook or locally in your area. There are so many people who have been through what you're going through and they want to help, so don't be afraid to ask!

A man walks onto the train with...

I know, I know - I'm a suburban girl. We don't see a lot of crazy things where I'm from in Michigan. BUT - when we do, we make sure to capture those solid-gold moments with a photograph.

*This throwback photo was taken on my iPhone back in December at Wembley Park Station*
Behold...a man on the tube who brought a MASSIVE white parrot with him. It's London - you can't make this stuff up. Of course I was totally enthralled with this man and his bird but everybody (including the people sitting closest to him) didn't bat an eye. Welcome to the insanity of London.

Laughter (and vodka-sodas) are the best medicine

This weekend has been particularly stressful for me. In between receiving rejection letter after rejection letter (after applying for jobs that hundreds of other 'brilliant, capable and industrious' applicants have vied for, it's probably to be expected that I won't knock them all out of the park), struggling to get through yet another event with extended family that I know as well as Britney Spears knows neurosurgery, and being away from my husband for the first time since we have been married while he's in the states for over a week..it's been a challenge to not repeat my recent Friday night excursion of overdoing it on red wine and Pop Tarts. After a few weeks of feeling extremely positive and motivated, shit is really getting to me.

There are few cures for misery more effective for me than books. Not eloquent, enthralling books. Ridiculous books written by ridiculous authors that make you remember the agony of almost peeing your pants on the train from laughing too hard. Books you can empathize with because of their sheer honesty about mortifying family members, drunken nights out, exes, misfortunes of all kinds, growing up and trying to survive in a world where you feel like everyone else is crazy. Books that don't take themselves too seriously because everything else is so serious.

Here's a short list of books perfect for when you're on the verge of booking a one-way ticket back home and ending your ex-pat adventure...

Are you there Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? And Other Concerns by Mindy Kaling

Bossypants by Tina Fey

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson


Happy reading.